My Funny Boy

Or is he?................Lately the tantrums have been more dramatic and loud and for the dumbest reasons. But the things he says and the way he does it makes us laugh through our anger and frustration.
Last Thursday, Ryan had to stay home from work because I was so fatigued and in so much pain I couldn't stop shaking. So I stayed in bed or on the couch to get some rest. Luckily he was home, because Parker right off the bat, had quite the episode. Parker loves his rituals and routines....even though he is pretty laid back most of the time...however...mornings he needs his cereal and a show and they have to coincide...meaning....if his show starts and the cereal isn't in front of him, something snaps inside his brain and all heck breaks loose. Sometimes it isn't so bad. He'll be ordering me to hurry because the show is starting and I promptly tell him he is not in charge and I'm going as fast as I need to and he can wait. But this paticular Thursday morning....wow....screaming, jumping up and down to get our attention....yelling at the top of his lungs things we couldn't understand. When this happens, he is ordered to go in his room until he can calm down. Sometimes he does, sometimes he has to be forced. After 20 minutes of not getting his way....(he wanted us to start the show over again so he could have his cereal and watch it from the beginning...we couldn't do that...we aren't magical.) he would run to his bedroom. Stand at the door and shout "That's it, I'm outta here" and slam the door and scream bloody murder and cry for a while. Then he would come back....do it again. Finally Ryan was at a point where he could go in and have the "TALK". Here is how part of the conversation went down.
Ryan : Do we need to call Mrs. Raleigh and tell her you won't be coming to school today because you are naughty?
Parker: What's her number.
I'm thinking most children would freak out at the thought of not going to school and get in gear and behave. Not my child.
He did finally calm down and apologize and went to school and had a great day.
So another tantrum ensued the next day....regarding a talk show I was watching. He needed to go potty and thought he had missed a funny picture that was showing. He didn't. I tried to explain...but here came the jumps and cries and hollars and yells. And there is nothing I can say to get him to calm down...he just has to get tired of trying. But I got so mad because he wasn't going to his room and he was speaking to me in a "TONE." So I thrusted forward off the couch....now I'm 8 months pregnant so it isn't as affective as I would like....but I said, "you better run" in a mommy tone and he started screaming..."Mommy don't kill me" And this was repeated at a high scream for 5 minutes. I sure hope the neighbors didn't hear. He's going to get me arrested with his dramatics.
One night I was on the couch watching TV. My legs were in a lot of pain so I had one up. My pajama pant leg had gone up a bit. Parker wanted to come over to help me with my pain....and he examined my leg closely and shouted with glee....yes...glee...."mommy, your leg is growing grass!!!!" so I'm not the best at keeping my legs shaven. Little did I know that growing grass on my leg is the coolest thing ever to my 4 year old son. I'm glad he appreciates it.
I've had so much on my mind lately. I don't know if the thoughts running through my head are from hormones or my weak body or what. But every day, I pray for help with my short comings and pray for understanding to the two plights that plague me right now. I want to stop being jealous of women who have healthy bodies and have so much energy and I want to stop being jealous of women who can have babies so easily. It's absurd for me to have these feelings and doesn't help me progress or get to an understanding of my troubled body. That certainly is my Christmas wish is to just remember my blessings and my two beautiful kids and remember the miracle that they are and remember that maybe I can't do most things other moms can do...but there are things I can. I need to be fine with the fact that if all I can do in a day is 1 load of laundry and keep parker fed and watered....that is a good day. I dont know...is it normal to have these feelings when going through a trial. And when should I start worrying that I'm being unfaithul or untrusting of my Heavenly Father because I can't stop the self loathing at times. Is there a time limit? I guess the fact that I know I'm bitter for no reason and I know that I wish I had a healthy body that will never ever happen until the here after and I'm striving to understand and be happy with how life has gone down for me. It's not that I'm unhappy by any means. I'm extremely happy that I have two kids, a wonderful husband, a nice home. so why do I get affected sometimes? All I can do is keep trying and hope that friends and family have patience with me and my craziness.
Ok...so I've said too much as it is.
With 7 weeks to go...I do weekly stress tests and biweekly OB check ups. Thursday, they didn't get the readings and info they wanted from the stress test, but said that it was a little early yet to get what they wanted. Apparantly when the baby moves, the heartbeat should go up and go fast for 10 seconds or so. That never happened...even though she was moving. But it was beating normal....the doc just said 32 weeks sometimes is too early for that kind of reading. So I'm sure they will be keeping a close eye on that once a week.
As for me, I just take it easy all day. I try to do one thing and I get so tired and my joints hurt so bad I end up in bed. So I just keep Parker alive and the day seems to go well. He has been so patient and good...other than the tantrums....he is happy to play with toys and watch shows. He will go hang out with my mom once in a while for treats and a change of scenery. He enjoys that. He was able to have a sleepover with Ryan's parents this weekend. He got to play in the snow and talk to his cousins over the web cam. He has had a blast.
Ryan has been sick and trying to rest. He has a lot of congestion and a bad cough. I had a low grade fever yesterday. I don't know how we get sick. We never go anywhere other than church and work. blah